There is never enough time to get all the things done that need to be done. There is not enough time for me to take a minute and just breathe. There is definitely some sort of time warp going on when you are a parent and caregiver. Taking care of me really has no priority, because there is no time. Well, there is, but I feel guilty taking that time. A mom feeling guilty is a cliché for a reason.
I just want an extra 24 hours in each day so that I can breathe. There are plenty of days where I make sure everyone else gets good, nutritious food and lots of rest? Me? My food is usually the kind you can eat with one hand with minimal preparation and eat while doing something else. Sleep is minimal…about 4 hours. I function. Not always very well or effectively, but I do function.
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. My kids have clean clothes that fit and are weather appropriate. My kids have shoes that fit and are right for the school day if it is physical education or music. For myself, I do my best to remember to not wear the same thing two days in a row. I do my best to not wear flip-flops in December…but if that is all I can find it is better than going barefoot. My sleeves usually have some sort of ‘kid debris’ on them, from a wiped mouth here, a wiped nose there or simply cleaning the tears off their little faces when someone has teased them.
Multi-tasking is what I do. All day. Everyday. I feel like my brain and my body just never stops. Even when I am trying to relax watching television I am struggling to get the laundry taken care of or counting down the time until I can unload the dishwasher. Staying still just does not seem possible because something always needs doing. When I am sleeping my washer and or dryer are running. Multitasking in my sleep. That’s just how I roll.
I can remember to take care of the kids, my husband, my mom and other responsibilities, but not myself. I have checked with other moms and dads and come find out… I am not the only one with this issue. Most of us seem to do the right things for our families while letting ourselves be the last on the list. We all know that by taking care of ourselves we can take better care of our families. We don’t do it though. I watched my mom do the same thing, so did Harlan’s mom.
Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca see me doing this and think that it is normal. If they ever become caregivers or parents, will they think that putting themselves last is how life is supposed to be for them? I don’t want that for my kids. However, I also don’t want to create a bunch of little spoiled monsters who feel the need to only take care of themselves. It is a delicate balance, I guess.
I need to catch myself living in the moment and be happy with the messy house and laundry hanging around in baskets for a little while. I need to breathe. My kids need to see me living and being happy. They need to see me ‘being’ instead of just doing. Time is going to keep on marching by and I don’t have a magic wand to give myself more of it. I need to make better use of my time. Change is hard. Finding time to live is hard. Changing how I live is going to be hard, but necessary. If I am going to be the best mom, wife and daughter possible, I need to take just a little time. I need to remember that being the mom of triplets is not going to be easy, but it will be easier if I just get a little more sleep.
