Many college freshmen will be packing their bags this week to return home for the holidays.
Those students can feel a lot of pressure when they return home to impress their parents and friends with how well they have adjusted, all the new people they have met and how they can’t wait to go back. But what do you do when your child is unsure about returning?
It’s common for college freshman to feel so out of sorts in the first part of the year that they begin to feel uncertainty in their decision. According to a 2007 study conducted by University Counseling Centers across America, the freshman dropout rate during the second semester has increased by about 26 percent.
Parent advisor for college-bound students and founder of The Right Fit, Lisa Jordan of Rotterdam said one of the main indicators of how well a freshman is adjusting is the mood and content of the phone calls and e-mails home. Jordan said some students are really good about contacting their parents, especially when they need advice, money or help.
Students will often, but not always, send home great news, too, such as goals scored, an A on that bio exam, the cute date last Friday. Occasionally parents will sense they are not getting the complete picture, but that’s OK, their student will be coming home at the end of the fall semester and they can really talk about how the whole semester went then in person, said Jordan.
Jordan said that the amount of change coupled with exhaustion can sometimes make it hard for students to distinguish the difference between feeling jitters and genuinely not wanting to return to school. She said before parents panic, it’s important to remember that in the past four months they have moved away from home, adjusted to a new roommate and dorm life, new professors and academic requirements, and been exposed to many new experiences.
Well-known child psychologist Dr. Michelle Borba travels to colleges across the country to talk with freshman and their parents about depression, stress and dropouts that peak during the second half of the first year. She points out to parents that when their child is home for the holidays, back to family and friends, parents play a critical role in making sure that second semester goes smoothly.
Jordan’s advice to parents with a seemingly unsure or unhappy freshman is to allow their child to acclimate to being back home. She advises parents to let their child reconnect with family and friends before sitting down to determine what the problem is.
`Is it the college itself, some part of the college experience that the staff or an advisor could assist with, or has your student given it the ‘old college try’ to find out that it wasn’t a good match or they’re just not ready?
Some of the biggest problems only need a little time and attention to work out and give a chance,` said Jordan. `For example, if the roommate situation was so bad that it was worth somebody moving, it’ll take time to readjust to the new dorm or new roommate. You’ve given the resident hall staff a chance to help you, and they’ll be aware of your needs when you return.`
Parents can be proactive by starting the process of choosing a college long before senior year in high school. Mohonasen guidance counselor Rebecca Pauley said they have plenty of information on where to start when looking at colleges. She said they encourage students to start early so they have time to visit schools and really get a feel for what will best work for them.
`We have actually put together a book in our office that details questions students and parents may have,` said Pauley.
At Scotia-Glenville the guidance department team uses a system called Guidance Direct, which is an Internet-based program that counselors and students use in the student’s junior year. It works its way through the common questions, such as whether or not to stay close or go far, a large school versus a small one, two- or four-year and so on.
Scotia-Glenville counselor Lise Williams said the program starts with a public-versus-private section of questions and moves to questions about location ` how far from home, which states in the country ` before going on to possible majors the student might be interested in. The counselors then use that information to help students select possible colleges based on grades and SAT scores and the size of the school one is interested in. Lastly, students can choose based on special programs or athletic programs and division levels. Guidance Direct then generates a list of potential colleges that guidance counselors then go over with the students and even parents.
Williams said they invite parents to come in around April and May to meet with the department and their student to look for schools.
`We use our background knowledge to help them narrow the list, often to about 10 to 12 schools. We then suggest the student begin their own research into the schools, looking at the Web sites online, doing the virtual tours so they can narrow down their list even more to schools they would want to visit and take a guided tour. Our hopes in the end are that the student creates a list of schools that have what meets their needs as well as offers variety,` said Williams.
For those college freshman who are dealing with the uncertainty of whether they have chosen the right school, there can be comfort in hearing the stories of students who have gone before them.
Many freshmen will say that hearing about past graduates who felt the same but then grew to love the college life is helpful.
Recent State University of New York at Oswego graduate Elizabeth Rocco of Saratoga said that for her entire first semester, she was convinced she made the wrong choice, but when graduation came, she was so sad to leave and could barely relate to those freshman feelings.
`Talk with friends about your insecurities and give it time. You may not believe how quickly things can change second semester,` said Rocco.
Leigh Cagino, of Guilderland, a sophomore at the University of Delaware, said that adjusting to being away was very difficult for her because she is so close to her family. She said the first thing she missed her freshman year was her father’s birthday, and she remembers it being a strange feeling to have to call her dad for his birthday.
`The holidays were definitely hard,` Cagino said. `Luckily I go home for Thanksgiving, and then it is only two or three weeks until I am home again for Christmas. What made freshman year a little easier was just thinking of my friends as family. I decorated my room with Christmas decorations, which was fun, and my friends and I did a secret Santa and all went shopping to together for the presents. Everyone was really busy with finals so between that and the fun holiday stuff we made, it went by really fast,` said Cagino.
Jordan said the first step in getting past the freshman feelings of apprehension is for parents to let their students know that there is a solution. She advises that part of that may include reminding freshman that it is more important to try something, even if you change your mind, than to never have given it a shot.
`Most importantly, remind them that you love them and that you are right behind them all the way. For all the years you’ve done just that it can be amazing that they still need to be told,` Jordan said.
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