Recent disturbing news stories of child abuse at the hands of public and trusted figures, may be causing some parents to question whether their own children would know what to do in a similar situation.
Well, we do know this, those strategies have to be taught – very carefully taught – and reinforced regularly. Don’t assume your child will have the confidence to say no to an adult, and don’t assume your child will tell you if something does happen. The old sports adage applies here: “The best defense is a good offense.” That “offense” involves being open, honest and direct. It also involves preparing your child with very specific directions on what to do and who to tell. In the curriculum taught in school, children are taught about that “Uh oh feeling,” which is the sense you get when something doesn’t seem right. They are instructed to pay attention to situations that feel strange, to say no, to get away, and to tell someone.
We are all in agreement that although we want to protect our children from all evils in society, we cannot be with them every moment. So the next best thing is to arm children with the knowledge and strength to know what to do. The idea is that by being on the offense, the child may be able to prevent a bad situation and will be timely in reporting it to parents.
But that is still not enough. Parents need to pay attention and get involved. Telling a child what to do is just the beginning.
• Know where your child is at all times and with whom.
• Get to know the adults who interact with your child.
• Volunteer your time to help out with sports, scouts and other activities.
• When going someplace without you, a child should call upon arrival and departure.
• Listen to your child attentively so you don’t miss something.
We know better than to leave our kids in the car unattended, but have you ever engaged your child in conversation at the mall with a complete stranger who seemed so nice? Have you allowed a relative to tickle your child because it seemed harmless? Or perhaps you have directed your child to greet a friend or relative with a hug and kiss even though your child resisted? Have you ever dismissed a complaint from your child about another adult because that just couldn’t be true? These are just a few subtleties that reflect how critical our judgment is in preventing harm to our own children.
There is one very simple little thing you can do every single day that will help to ensure your child will not be one of those victims. Close each day with a quiet conversation with your child that begins with the question, “So, my dear, how was your day?” Of course your child will want you to share your day as well. This quiet time could be at the kitchen table, on the floor, knee-to-knee and eye-to-eye, or a part of the bedtime ritual.
This article originally appeared in the January issue of Captal District Parent Pages, where the authors pen the “Kitchen Table Time” column. The authors have a combined 75 years of teaching experience in kindergarten, first, second and third grade in area schools. Their book, “Kitchen Table Time: Recipes for Success” can be found at I Love Books in Delmar and The Book House in Stuyvesant Plaza in Guilderland.
