It’s been said a parent’s job is never finished, and that statement has never been more true than it is now as technology – and our children’s access to it – advances daily.
While at a concert at my daughter’s school recently, I noticed one of her 4-year-old classmates playing Angry Birds on what I assumed was a parent’s “smart phone.” The boy’s father informed me that it was, in fact, an iPod Touch, and it belonged to the preschooler. I have to admit that my own 2-year-old can navigate our family’s iPads with ease to play the games that have been added for her. With most homes having wireless Internet access, these capabilities mean that any child old enough to read, could potentially find Youtube and watch unrated videos, download games and retrieve information on virtually any subject.
Parental controls have been available for several years for Internet surfing protection, yet now parents have the added concerns of social networking sites. Facebook doesn’t allow children younger than 13 to have an account, but who doesn’t know someone younger who’s simply supplied a false birthday in order to join? On one hand, Facebook provides many parents with an inside view into their child’s social life that parents in past generations never had. Polls done by Retrovo.com, a consumer electronics site, found that 47 percent of parents of kids under age 19 say they’ve used Facebook to learn more about their kid’s friends, and 10 percent of moms and 13 percent of dads admit to using it to check up on their kids’ dates.
The question we need answered is no longer whether our children will have Web access – that ship, quite frankly, has sailed – but of how they can use these amazing and powerful cyber tools safely.
Designate a central location for surfing
“The Internet is the very best thing, and the very worst thing in our culture,” said K-12 computer science teacher, Marybeth Ribet, of Albany. “It gives us access to so much information and entertainment on one hand, but on the flip side, there are music videos on Youtube that aren’t rated and an unlimited access of adult material – a lot of teenagers can’t handle all that freedom.”
Both in her computer labs at school and in her home, where she has a 14- and 16-year-old, the rule is kids don’t use the Internet unless an adult is in the room (or at home).
That message is the one that resonates loudly with other Capital District parents.
“One of the best controls is that the computer is out in the main room, where everyone can see what they’re doing,” said Sandy Moore, a former Glenmont resident and mother of three 13-year-olds, “We also use the parental control features, both to limit what they can access and to limit how late they can play.”
Bill Flandreau, a Voorheesville father of 11- and 14-year-old sons, shared a similar story.
“The computer is in my bedroom, so I always have to give permission and can always see what they are doing,” said Flandreau.
Each member of Flandreau’s family has a unique Windows login, but only he is the administrator of all accounts and only his login is password protected. Because of this, he can set controls on the other two accounts and also view the histories of each user, as well as log in as his 14-year-old’s Facebook page if he ever had a concern. He is Facebook “friends” with his oldest son, which means the teen and his friends are aware that a parent sees the communications taking place.
Don’t forget who paid for it all in the first place
The balance between policing children’s online activities and respecting their privacy can be hard to maintain for some parents.
Averill Park guidance counselor, Dave Gildersleeve reinforced the need for students’ computer use to be in a common room, providing an opportunity for family bonding, as well as an opportunity for parents to be in the loop regarding homework habits and assignments.
“An update of homework at the dinner table model is very appealing to me as it maintains accountability on many levels. I think appropriate use of technology, family connectedness, as well as great time management skills are encouraged when kids do their homework and are accessing the Internet in a common space at home,” said Gildersleeve. “Challenges to this include personal devices and the use of?social media, but parents need to remember they are as responsible for those resources as they are for the food and shelter their kids receive.”
Gildersleeve said he urges parents to not fall into the trap of believing that these are off limits to them just because they are their children’s devices.
“There seems to be a ‘this is mine and you can’t touch it’ attitude some kids have successfully established with their phones and the
Internet,” said Gildersleeve. “It seems that parents
should establish a little, ‘Oh, really? Who pays for this stuff anyway,’ attitude of their own.”
Online safety services can be a powerful tool
Fortunately, a whole industry of Web safety products has cropped up in recent years to take parental control features to a new level. There are some services that parents subscribe to for a monthly fee that will monitor a young person’s online activity, and in some cases, cell phone texting and music downloads, and alert parents to potential problems.
A relatively new product to the market (as of 2009) is UKnow.com. It was developed in response to a real-life incident in which co-founder Tim Woda’s child was targeted and pursued by a child predator online.
“The digital world creates new parenting challenges for mom and dad. My son made the mistake of communicating with someone that wanted to do him harm,” said Woda. “Fortunately, our child did not get hurt, but it was a real wake-up call.”
The service generates a daily report for parents that summarizes online postings, messages, phone calls, emails, pictures and videos, including a timeline of when these occurred, so they can see not only what the child is doing online, but when. If it detects activity that appears threatening in some way, such as a sexually explicit text message (recently dubbed “sexting”), the parents are notified immediately. In addition, the service helps to translate the ever-changing texting lingo so parents can decipher what is being said. This service is $9.95 per month for one child and $19.95 for two or more.
TrueCare LLC, is another provider of Internet monitoring that tracks a young person’s use of social networking sites, and now offers a free tool called the Family Social Media Agreement. This is a family contract of sorts that obligates parents to stay involved in their children’s internet use and learn their online social circles, while kids agree to use common sense and keep their activity within appropriate boundaries. The contract clearly lays out expectations and the consequences that will result if they are not met. “The Family Social Media Agreement will help parents transform a quick after-school chat into an in-depth discussion about stress, popularity, depression and social media, thus making the child feel as though the parent understands their world,” said TrueCare Advisor Mary Jo Rapini. “It also allows the child to recognize that they will be able to talk to the parent safely in regard to any threat or concern they have or receive via the computer or phone.”
Ulster County Sheriff’s Deputy Andrea Stene uses Safe Eyes for her family’s home computers so she and her husband can track the online activity of his 10- and 14-year-old children. Safe Eyes is a program that is purchased once and can be installed on multiple computers in the home. It filters Internet content specific to each user, according to the profile created by the parents, and also generates weekly reports regarding computer use. Another attractive feature of Safe Eyes is its ability to limit the amount of time, and even times of day or night that each user is allowed to be online. This is especially helpful for limiting online gaming and time on social media sites that can easily become addicting.
There’s no denying that “cyber time” has increased for our whole culture, with both incredible rewards and risks. A family member’s total “screen time” needs to be considered, especially now that so many people have internet access and games on the cell phone they carry on their person all day, every day.
Gildersleeve had a final warning regarding this trend: “I think we need to understand that time spent on the web has increased for all of us. It’s still a good idea to keep track of it like we tend to do for TV, though. We all need to get outside more, that’s for sure!”