Kim Perone and her family weren’t dealt an easy deck. She lost her son in a car accident and five years later, her sister to a rare form of cancer. But instead of bowing out and succumbing to the grief, she drew on her mother’s strength and attitude to spin the tragedies into something positive.
I was talking about my mother and our relationship and how her personality impacted me and how I was able to cope with loss, said Perone, of Burnt Hills. `I started to see a real story curve with some funny stories about us and how she approaches work, life, divorce, marriage, death, everything.`
Searching for an outlet for her emotions, Perone joined a writing group with the intention of writing a book about bereavement. After sharing short stories about her mother’s funny antics, the scope of the project changed and she decided to meld humor and loss.
Her first book, `Vacuum Like No One is Watching` comes out Mother’s Day Weekend on Saturday, May 7.
`It really reflects a woman’s life because of laughter and tears,` said Perone. `When some of the tears are heartbreaking, you realize how important laughter is and how it’s elevated in your life because it’s a key part of resilience.`
Perone considers positivity to be a key part of a person’s mental well being, especially in light of hardships like losing a loved one. Going through the grief process with her mother, she learned that humor helps make even the most devastating situation a little more bearable.
`You realize how important it is to laugh. Sometimes for all the pain in life, laughter becomes even more important,` said Perone.
She didn’t immediately turn to writing as therapy. It wasn’t until her sister passed and she resigned from her job to spend more time in Connecticut with her nephew (who was only four months old when his mother died) did she realize it was time to write.
`I started to transcribe old journals. Things started to come to me. My mother’s a funny person, so some of the antics for the stories made me think of other ones and that’s where the concept for the book came from,` said Perone. `Instead of individual stories or vignettes, it started to look like the chapters of a book.`
Her mother is `vibrant` with a no-holds barred attitude. That combination makes for some surprising stories, said Perone.
For example, on of the very first experience Perone turned into a chapter for the book occurred on a drive home from Connecticut after her sister’s chemotherapy treatment.
`We were driving back and [my mom] said to me, ‘I forgot to tell you something,’` said Perone.
She cringed, because after all, how much more bad news could one family take?
`She told me that she’d told my sister she could have my eggs,` said Perone.
At first, Perone was confused by the random and somewhat odd statement. Then she realized what her mother meant and she burst out laughing.
`At a doctor’s appointment with my sister they told her chemo might destroy her eggs. She’d just had a baby so going from having a baby to being diagnosed with cancer to maybe you won’t have any more children,` said Perone. `Part of my mother’s personality was to be practical and focus on the big issue and that was fighting the cancer, so she told my sister ‘Don’t worry about the eggs, you can have your sister’s eggs.’`
`Vacuum Like No One is Watching` tells similar stories about Perone’s mother’s reaction to situation and life.
`It’s very funny in some parts and poignant in others,` said Perone. `I found the more I wrote about her reactions, I realized how deeply it helped to form the way I deal and cope with problems or issues or life.`
Writing the book was a special process for her, said Perone, and helped her put things in perspective.
`It was a great process for me. I really enjoyed it as much as I hope my readers do,` said Perone. `I thoroughly enjoyed that, especially at a time after I dealt with loss, it was much more of a positive reflection time I writing it and I dealt with letting go. It was very therapeutic.`
Before she had a coping book to offer, Perone said it hasn’t been unusual for people to ask her opinion about grief and loss.
`I was letting people know they’ll survive it,` said Perone. `This gave me the next level of helping people.`
She wants people to appreciate where the book came from, but more than anything, Perone said she hopes it helps people feel less alone and open up about death, which can be taboo.
`Humor and bereavement, that’s a very odd combination of book category,` said Perone. `I hope people laugh and then feel like they’re not alone.`
`Vacuum Like No One is Watching` will be available at Open Door Book Store in Schenectady and Troy Book Makers, as well as other local bookstores. More information about the book, like what’s behind the title, is available online at www.kimperone.com and www.vacuumlikenooneiswatching.com.
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