For many parents with children in sports, it can be hard to stay on the sidelines. Across the country, children, coaches and parents continue to look for a balance between competition and sportsmanship.
For parents and coaches, keeping the lines of communication open and having realistic expectations may be the way to keep the game positive, but it can sometimes be a struggle.
Many coaches believe the pressure some parents put on young athletes is a direct result of society’s trend to push children at a younger age. Many children today are involved in organized sports as young as age 3. A lot of parents see it is a way to socialize and learn, but others hope it is the start of a successful athletic career.
Guilderland youth soccer coach Tara Camardo said she fears that parents and children feel that if they are not actively involved at a young age, they may never be able to catch up.
Sports are supposed to be a great way for children to find a path for themselves, to be part of something, part of a team. I worry that some kids may be left behind because they were not on a team from an earliest age possible. It is important for coaches and organizations to make sure they give every child an opportunity, no matter what, said Camardo.
Camardo said it is important for parents to have realistic expectations of their child’s abilities. She said she stresses to her youth soccer team that the whole idea behind a team is that each person is important and their contribution is what makes the team a success as a whole. She said that while she feels competition is healthy, it is important to put it into perspective.
Camardo said she makes it a point to have the children learn that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but either way you do it together as a team.
`Children need to see their parents feel proud of them no matter what their role is on the team,` said Camardo.
Among parents with kids in sports a common theme seems to be, `enjoy it while they are still young.`
Smiles and laughter are usually dominant on any given T-ball field, and mothers, like Christina Carras of Guilderland, say at that level you do not see too much competitiveness in parents, but, Carras said, it does creep up quickly. She also said it is important for parents to remember that many coaches are simply volunteers. They are often parents with full-time jobs and families, in addition to coaching.
`When I hear parents complain about how a coach is doing his or her job, I get frustrated. Parents need to remember these are just people helping out, doing their best,` said Carras.
Carras also said she makes it a point to remind her son Andrew, who is on his first year of all-star little league baseball team, that he is part of an entire team.
`I tell my son that they win as a team and lose as a team, everyone is in it together,` said Carras.
Teaching by example
There are plenty of stories about parents who show a lack of sportsmanship themselves, like the hockey dad in Worchester, Mass., who in 2000, beat up the coach after a dispute over a son’s play time. It sounds almost too absurd to be true, but it is an example of how an athlete’s parent can go from being supportive to being a bully.
In theory, being on an athletic team, in a club, or in the marching band are all supposed to be facets of a child’s life, a way to make them feel part of something.
Mohonasen School Athletic Director Joseph Scalice said the school tries to be clear about expectations by holding a meeting for parents and athletes at the beginning of each season. At that time, they discuss rules and procedures.
`One area that I do talk about is sportsmanship. I will meet with a spectator or athlete if I feel their actions are unsportsmanlike and are a negative reflection of our school. We discuss what is expected of them as a spectator or an athlete,` said Scalise.
Taking turns
Gregg Dort, of Ballston Spa, has coached T-ball, youth soccer and Pop Warner football. Having been involved with sports his entire life, he said his philosophy is all kids share equal playing time and all kids play every position. He said his stance is sometimes unpopular with other coaches and some parents.
`I take great pride in showing my players that they all deserve a chance to play, regardless of opinions from other teams and coaches. I spend time during the off hours making charts and tracking players’ time and positions to insure that all my players have played in every position and have shared the game time equally,` said Dort.
Dort said he has had parents ask questions like, `Why did you put little Johnnie in as quarterback, we think he is too small.` His answer is always, `He deserves to play, and if that child gets excited about playing this year and wants to play again next year, then I will have done my job.`
`Smiles are always better than wins,` said Dort.
Dort said the greatest compliment to him as a coach is when parents thank him for helping to get their child excited about being part of a team and even more so about being excited to share in something with their parents.
`I want the kids to get some exercise, experience competition, teamwork, sportsmanship, confidence, learn athletic skills, want to learn more about the sport and play at home with their parents, guardians, or siblings. I want the parents to know that it is OK for their child to laugh, cry, get pushed, score a goal, hit a home run, drop a ball, make a mistake, learn how to kick, throw, pass, catch, want to play at home, experience childhood again, support their child’s effort whether good or bad,` said Dort.
Sportsmanlike conduct
The Capital District Youth Soccer League has a code of conduct that they hand out to parents at the start of each season. The parents’ code of conduct asks them to serve as role models for their children and to place the emotional and physical wellbeing of their child ahead of their personal desire to win. It asks that parents show good sportsmanship and set an example for their child.
Many organizations try to communicate with parents on what is acceptable and what is not before it is too late.
Athletic director for Burnt Hills-Ballston Lake schools Robert McGuire echoed the importance of sportsmanship.
McGuire said the best thing parents can remember is that being a good sport starts a young age, as soon as their children are able to interact with others. McGuire said the main theme in his district is to support one another, whether it’s the members of their own teams or athletes on other teams.
`One of the top priorities in running teams is the whole idea of sportsmanship. The direct line of communication for sportsmanship comes from coaches and administrators to our students and student athletes,` said McGuire.
SIDEBAR: Youth programs teach more than sports skills
By ANN MARIE FRENCH, Contributing Writer
As the weather warms, schools have begun their spring athletic programs and many area towns have started their own youth programs designed to introduce kids to a variety of sports. Participation in sports has long been regarded as an easy way for children to stay active and fit, and there are benefits that extend beyond the physical exertion.
`Sports are wonderful life-building kinds of experiences,` said Bruce Svare, a psychology professor with the University at Albany as well as the Director of the National Institute for Sports Reform. `They can be a very positive outlet for kids.`
Experts say the key to reaping that valuable experience lies with the coaches and parents who must ensure that a child is participating in an environment designed to bring out his or her best.
Svare said sometimes involving kids in sports can actually occur too early.
`Four years old is a time for kids to be exploring,` he said. `A time for kids to be kids.`
There is also a distinction between youth programs, typically sponsored by municipalities or other nonprofit groups, and interscholastic athletic programs offered by area school districts.
New York State Public High School Athletic Association Executive Director Nina Van Erk said schools included in the association provide an emphasis on what she calls the `four C’s.`
`Character, civility, citizenship and competence,` said Van Erk. `I would add a
fifth . . . commitment.`
The association is focused on children in grades seven through 12, and, Van Erk said, students are competing under the guidance of school administrators and certified coaches.
`We don’t try to promote a positive atmosphere. We do promote a positive atmosphere,` she said. `Our programs should not be to win at all costs.`
Like Svare, Van Erk encourages a focus on teaching the fundamentals.
`Kids should not be taught to esteem themselves based on the scoreboard,` said Randy Cale, a Clifton Park psychologist who hosts the Web site www.terrificparenting.com. `Only a small percent are going to be superstars.`
`Kids can have a great experience to the extent that we are clear about the value of effort over outcome,` added Cale.
Indeed, Van Erk suggests that while student athletes will build leadership skills, those skills translate into team-building skills.
`A child may not be the best, but might be the most integral part of the team,` said Van Erk.
In basketball, the child who scores the basket would not be able to do so without the help of a child who makes the assist.
In addition to leadership and team-building skills, children learn ethics, sportsmanship, fair play and how to be a good winner, said Svare.
`Sports is about having fun, about play, about socializing and learning some skills,` said Svare.
Cale and Svare said developing a positive experience for children in sports falls to the parents. Both encourage parents to really examine the organization that they are considering involving their child in and make sure the focus is placed on the appropriate values.
`It is important when parents begin to participate, they choose carefully the atmosphere,` said Cale.
Experts say parents should encourage children to participate in a wide variety of sports as well as different positions within the same sport. Too often, said Svare, children appear to excel at a particular sport and are encouraged to take on that sport as a specialty. He said that often children reach puberty and are able to excel at athletic skills they once did not.
`Kids at an early age should be sampling lots of different sports,` said Svare.
`Up to the age of 13, kids should be getting involved in a lot of different activities including those that are not sports related. Sports at the youth level are really about building better people.`
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