As I was watching my child’s extracurricular activity class in action, my attention strayed away from her performance and watched the class “Standout” do another Amazing Thing. Guiltily, I turned my attention back to my daughter and smiled and nodded encouragingly, but she noticed. The whole class and the parents saw what the Standout did (again!).
We all encourage children to be the best they can be. We all root for the underdog, who is obviously struggling, but is giving it his all. This in itself is a success. But in every activity, be it in sports, the arts, whatever, there is always the Standout. The kid who is a natural, the born singer/dancer/pitcher/runner. The list goes on. There are two Standout camps: inward groans and polite smiles (“Why give him more attention than he already gets?”) or cheers (“This kid is amazing!”)
I looked over at the Standout’s parents, standing apart from the other parents, yet getting curious glances. Some approached the Standout’s parents with sincere comments, but most just glanceed at the parents each time the Standout gets praised from the class’ leader or with each easy success at the first or second try.
Standout Parents know their children are quite frankly, fantastic. But acknowledging this to other parents who comment on their child’s performance may sound like bragging, or that they think their child is better than theirs. So most of the time the Standout Parents sit in awkward silence, overtly or covertly looked at by a whole room or field full of competitive parents. In some classes I’ve been in the tension has been tangible.
So as I watch the class as a whole, from the Struggler with the radiant smile to the Standout, I realize there’s a lesson to be learned here. Whether the kids are standing up, falling down or wobbling, all I see in this class is smiling. The kids are not watching or criticizing each other at all. Fun is the name of the game.
The focus of success should not be placed on the finish line or the score card, but on the child’s attempts or level of happiness. The playing field will never be level, because the Standout will always be there, and the Struggler, too. So let’s go Team Parenthood. Let’s cheer everyone on Standouts and Strugglers alike, and welcome everyone to the game.
Theresa Davis a former early childhood educator and has worked in child care centers for more than 15 years. She is also an adoptive mother, and is thrilled to share her views on parenting with parents throughout the Capital District.
