Do you remember the game called ‘Twenty Questions?’ If you have ever been around young children, you know there’s a phase where their favorite question is “why?”
That is with one child. I have three.
Sometimes the amount of questions is overwhelming. The repetitive questions, when one child asks the same question that one of the other kids has just asked, make my brain swim. I have started answering the kids with “Asked and answered.” There are times when that answer just is not appropriate.
We eat dinner together in some fashion every night. Olivia and Rebecca are in Girl Scouts, and Benjamin in Cub Scouts, with a few meetings every month. Harlan and I do our best to have dinner as a family. Sometimes dinner happens in shifts, but the point we try to make is that being together is a priority.
As of late, the big questions have been about safety at home, school and on the road. The kids know the van does not move until we are all buckled-up. They also know they should not answer the door without permission. Look both ways when crossing the street was mastered before pre-kindergarten in 2012. The world changes so fast.
I look back at my childhood and think that as kids we ran outside to play, knocked on friends’ doors to see if they could come outside and then ran around until the sun started to go down.
“Mommy, we played hide in the closet at school today. What does lockdown mean?” one asked.
I pray with every fiber of my being that these drills can be done away with in my children’s lifetime. There are bad people in this world. Sometimes our children are forced to be witness to violence and hatred. Explaining all of this in ways a 7-year-old can understand, but not terrify them, is tricky. This question helped our family talk through several scenarios and help the children think of ideas that would help them stay safe.
“Mommy, my friend said that they hate me because of (random reason),” said one of my girls.
Wow. I was speechless. I really had to think this through so that I did not perpetuate more hate. Oh, my heart just broke for my daughter who, no matter how gruff and outspoken she comes across, is very sensitive.
Olivia and I sat down together to talk about what had been said to her and why. I let her know that she made the right choice in talking to me about what happened. I reached out to her teacher so that a plan could be put in place if this happened again. I also locked myself in the bathroom so the kids couldn’t hear me sobbing. I cried because no 7-year-old should have to deal with hatred in any form.
For every serious question that comes our way, there is usually one or two that make us laugh until we are crying and our sides hurt.
Every so often there comes a question or group of questions that makes me shove something in my mouth so that I have a few seconds to think and plan an appropriate response. Oh, help me if I have liquid in my mouth when something funny comes out of their mouths. Of course at this age, we get lots of questions about religion, God, death and babies. The kids are in first grade and are so curious.
To answer some of the more controversial type questions we play the old switch the topic card. How many times has my brother exclaimed “Look! Deacon, a squirrel,” at my nephew.
When we got the question, “What is a tampon?” we just about fell over and started talking about tympani drums and tapioca. For love or money, I was not answering that one just yet.
Look kids… a penguin!
Jennifer Steuer is an Albany mom, whose busy household includes her husband, Harlan, and 7-year-old triplets Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca.
