We all have a past. Things we have done that we are proud of; things we wish that would never be remembered; and things that our kids will ask questions about, creating a moral dilemma.
What do I tell? What do I save back? What do I use as a lesson on what not to do?
I am married to my second husband. Our 6-year-old triplets ask lots of questions, and they are starting to understand that they were not always part of our lives. The fact that Harlan had a few girlfriends before we married and that I was married to someone else is just so frustrating to thm. Rebecca is the most vocal about this when she asks, “Well, where were we?” My response is, “You were not born yet.” With a hand placed on her hip, she gives me a look that makes me think she will make an amazing mom and asks “Why NOT?”
On the walls of my bedroom, I have pictures of my two older sons from when they were small. In April, my oldest will turn 17, and seven days later, his brother will turn 15. I keep their pictures close to me since they live in North Carolina with their father and stepmom.
Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca know about their half brothers. My five children have never met, but this is going to change during an upcoming visit. The two older boys have decided that their half-siblings are old enough to spend a some time with.
Benjamin is enamored with the idea of having two other boys in the family. He really loves his sisters. He loves his mom and grandma. But he is surrounded by estrogen until Dad gets home from work.
Rebecca cannot fathom her mom being married to anyone other than her dad. She cannot picture a life where she did not exist. She is very Rebecca-centric. I look through picture albums with her to show her what my life used to be like. I show her pictures of me as a child. Rebecca has decided that I look like her … not that she looks like me.
Olivia gets very upset, the way I used to when my mom and grandma tried to explain that my mom was her daughter. She also wants to know how come her half brothers live so far away.
Trying to explain my history to 6-year-olds is a bit overwhelming. So many questions! I try to give answers that work for right now.
Some parts of my past should stay there. The kids do not need to know that the summer I was 15, I painted one wall of my bedroom a flat black. I don’t think that they need to know how mad that made their grandmother. I am sure she will tell them, just in time for them to do it to me.
Jennifer Steuer is an Albany mom, whose busy household includes her husband, Harlan, and 6-year-old triplets Olivia, Benjamin and Rebecca.