hose ubiquitous soccer mom stickers on the minivans, the ones that are essentially saying, Get out of my way, we must make it to practice on time, may not do justice to the schedules of today’s busy families. A number of parents are no longer just soccer moms and dads, but more like multi-sport, multi-club, multi-lesson parents.
The number of sport and club opportunities for kids these days has even shifted the focus off academics for some. It’s a phenomenon that one educator fresh out of college said she was not up to speed with.
For Elizabeth Rocco, a recent college graduate who substitute teaches in the Capital District, it was a wake-up call when a second-grade student told her she simply had no time for her homework the night before because she had practice until late. The student then said she would most likely not have time for homework that night, either, because she had some sort of lesson. Rocco said her thought was, `Is this now acceptable?`
`For many children, it seems as though schoolwork is not a priority,` said Rocco. `As a child, I was always taught schoolwork first — then the extras. I thought that was a basic principle in parenting.`
Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, a graduate of Cornell, Harvard and Stanford, who lives in New York City, is the author of the book `The Overscheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap.` He uses the term `hyper-parenting` to describe parents micro-managing their children. He writes that parents, who may have the best of intentions, have a fear of their children not living up to their expectations. Those parents try to manage a child’s social life by overbooking activities, leaving little free time for just being a child. In his book, Rosenfeld writes that this type of parenting leads to stress for everyone. He also writes that while we as a culture tell parents the best thing they can do is to sit and have a family dinner at night, it is virtually impossible when you have multiple children involved in multiple activities.
`Once, children were to be seen and not heard; today, parenting is America’s most competitive adult sport. Kids are showcased. We often hear of a child’s accomplishments, but rarely the simple praise, ‘He’s such a good, or good-hearted, kid,” said Rosenfeld in a 2007 address to fellow pediatricians. `One hundred years ago, work ended when the sun set. Today, electric lights allow homework to be done until midnight and ice hockey practice to begin before the sun rises. As children’s activities have become the center of family life, adult needs have been subordinated.`
Rosenfeld has said that while he believes extracurricular activities have many positive aspects for children — it helps them learn a sense of belonging and fosters self-confidence, he is worried about kids `running ragged.`
Clubs and sports teams are increasingly opening up to younger age groups than ever before. It is not uncommon to see a 3-year-old involved in several different groups or teams.
Scotia-Glenville High School Guidance Counselor Kimberlee Shartrand said that for many students, sports and music gives them a sense of belonging that is crucial to a successful school career. She said, especially at the high school level, these types of activities keep kids focused and do not allow for too much free time, when kids can easily be lured into unhealthy activities. Shartrand agreed, however, that parents must follow their kids’ lead on how many activities are too many. She said for many children, excelling at one thing they love is what works best.
Shartrand said her best advice for parents is to listen to children and let them choose what they are comfortable with.
`One of the greatest gifts a parent can give is not putting pressure on children to do what they want them to do as far as extracurricular activities. Follow their lead and ensure that they have time to just be kids while they still can,` said Shartrand.
A busy extracurricular life has some positives, though. The Center for Disease Control released statistics in 2000 that showed that drug use and teenage pregnancy rates have steadily decreased since 1976, which some experts attribute to children focusing on being part of a team or organization. The question for some teachers and doctors does not lie in whether or not these activities are positive but more of when they are simply too much.
Guilderland mom and soccer coach Tara Camardo said that she has had children on her team who play more than one sport, and scheduling practices is not always easy because of conflicts.
Camardo said she feels that for her 8-year-old daughter, one sport or activity at a time is what works best.
`Kids need downtime, time to just be able to be free to choose something, or even nothing to do,` said Camardo.
As a school counselor, Shartrand said she believes there are many good reasons for finding healthy outlets like sports and music for children. She said that she feels the trend is becoming more balanced and that parent participation is part of the reason.
`You see more and more parents staying for practices and lessons, they are becoming more of a part of the process, which is good in that it makes it more of a family experience. Parents and children have become much savvier at scheduling,` said Shartrand.
Shartrand also said she feels part of the success of extracurricular activities is keeping out the stress. She said that when the parents know how to create a schedule that everyone can live with in the family, it keeps harmony and the focus remains on the fun aspect. She said that scheduling allows for prioritizing, which keeps kids in check with schoolwork and other responsibilities.
`My own personal philosophy is that people feel good about themselves when they find something that they are good at and comfortable with. It’s great for parents to expose their children to new things, but once you see what direction your child wants to go in, follow their lead. The positive reinforcement will help them build many opportunities for success,` said Shartrand.
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