This is the second part of a series of columns written by former Bishop Gibbons boys basketball coach Herb Crossman.
Today, the reasons for playing a sport are all together different than reasons of the old school generation. It seems to be more for the love of money and for one’s own self. It’s about me, not my team.
The Prima Dona Complex is not novel, but it’s more `played out` today than ever before. We may wonder what’s gone wrong with sport when all of these potential superstars start to dictate to their coaches and parents. One doesn’t have to look too far to see where it began to go wrong. My years of coaching have shown me that it usually starts at home.
Yes, parents, believe or not, you share some of the responsibility. For instance, we may have that one son or daughter (That’s right daughter – it’s no longer just the sons) that shows potential in a particular sport. We think they will be next `phenom` in that sport.
Those thoughts are escalated when others, such as friends, family members, high school and AAU coaches start telling us that our child is destined for greatness. Usually, that person either isn’t in touch with reality, or he or she has an ulterior motive.
Given all the feedback from these so-called experts, we parents begin the cycle of treating the `phenom` in ways they normally wouldn’t. We cater to her or him in so many different ways. We begin, at times unaware of our actions, to brag about our kids to anybody we feel may be interested.
After I retired, I attended games and tried to sit away from parents whenever possible. Needless to say, it is almost impossible in these overcrowded gyms.
While in the stands, I heard some of the most outrageous comments coming from people. I heard parents talking about other people’s children in such shameful ways, it embarrassed me, and I don’t even have a child playing. They criticized looks, dress and to get an edge up for their own kid, they put down another kid’s academic ability.
You’d be surprised how often academics are talked about, especially when it comes to one kid getting an offer for a scholarship. I have heard some parents who are upset that their kid did not receive similar awards, scholarships, etc. They often resort to putting down the other kid in not so favorable terms insinuating that he or she is undeserving.
It is important for parents to remember all the players are kids, and they should be having fun. They should have supportive parents, not those people who border on being fanatical.
I was in the stands the other day watching a football game, just listening to the parents around me. I had to smile to myself to stop from really bursting out loud with laughter. But when I really thought about what was being said, it wasn’t funny.
One parent was asking another parent whether it would benefit her son for a scholarship if he played on the varsity now. I guess her son was either a freshman or sophomore. Wow, that’s really thinking ahead. I looked up at where she said he son was standing and I thought to myself, `I hope he gets off the field tonight without injuries.` He was so small.
After the game, I didn’t remember hearing many parents ask the most important question, `Did you have fun?` Some immediately began their post-game review by complaining about one thing or another. What does that say to that athlete?
I love the parents that don’t try to live through their children. I really love parents whose kids come to play and practice as hard as the so-called `stars` ` the parents who are just happy to see their kids having a good time. After the game, they’ll ask if their kids had fun and then tell them how well they did without comparing them to someone else’s kid. While they want them to work hard and do well, their expectations are reasonable. They don’t pressure on the kids, themselves or the coach.
The poor coach
Coaching these days, from my perspective and from the many colleagues I’ve spoken to, is no bag of freshly picked New York State apples. It’s become akin to a gauntlet which you start running once you get the job.
Everyone wants to be a coach, and on game day everyone is ` from the person who has never played before to the person that had a couple of snaps in high school, played Pop Warner football, little league baseball, town soccer, etc. I hope you get the picture.
As for the coach that gets little pay to do the job, he or she never is smart enough even if they’ve won for a number of years with, in some cases, little talent. It matters little that coaches are there night in and night out working with the kids encouraging them, teaching them and supporting them. From my observation, they try and do the best job possible every day.
Again, I sit in the stands and hear the coach-bashing. I am sometimes asked what I think of a particular coach’s decision to do this or that. I have to laugh because it makes me think about what, no doubt, happened while I was coaching. I don’t second guess coaches, at least not in a crowd.
I hear second guessing from the parents of the so-called `star` to the parents of the least-used player on the bench. They are asking why their son or daughter is not getting more playing time. I wonder how these same parents would feel if they heard the negative comments from others ` just about the time their kid is finally being sent in, especially in a tight game.
Today, we see some parents dictate to coaches how they should coach their kid. They come right out and ask for playing time, and some will even tell the coach their kid should have the ball more and be able to do almost whatever they want during a game. If the coach ignores them, they will take their case to the school administrators. They will even threaten to change schools and even go as far as changing schools ` just for sports.
I believe parents that put their kid in a school should trust that coach to have their son or daughter’s best interest at heart. Most coaches I knew operated that way. Very few coaches, if they wanted to be successful, tried to purposely destroy a student athlete. Of course, some coaches are better than others in certain areas, and as a parent, you need to seek out those coaches you’ve seen conduct themselves the way you can appreciate, on and off court.
Winning is important, but it’s not everything. The lessons your child will get from a coach might have long-lasting effects, and you don’t want it to be just about winning. Make a decision to trust the coach and stick by it. When choosing a school, sport and/or coach, do your research, but make sure your decisions are made for all the right reasons. Don’t expect the coach to make your kid a superstar. “