 rjonas, Wed, March 4th, 2009 After hearing today that Manny Ramirez signed with the Los Angeles Dodgers for 2 years/$45 million to end months of negotiations (or the lack thereof), I thought, "Wasn't that what the Dodgers kept offering him over and over again?" So, I came up with a short skit about Manny's spectacular negotiating strategy. [Scene starts in office at Dodgers Stadium] Dodgers GM: Manny, we're prepared to give you $45 million over the next two years to stay here in sunny L.A. What do you think? Manny: The contract's not long enough for Manny. Manny wants four years at $25 million a year. Dodgers GM: We're not going to sign a 36-year-old outfielder with questionable fielding skills to a four-year deal. Manny: Then, Manny will be Manny somewhere else. Good day to you, sir. [Manny leaves. Months pass. Then, phone rings in GM's office. It's Manny.] Manny (on phone): What was that offer again? Dodgers GM: Two years, $45 million. Manny: You're not going to make it four years? After all, think about what Manny can do for your team. Manny loves blasting pitchers all over ballparks. Manny batted nearly .400 in September to help your team win the West. Dodgers GM: Two years, $45 million. Take it, or leave it. Manny: Sorry, but Manny won't accept anything less than a four-year deal. (Hangs up phone.) Dodgers GM: (grumbling) Who does he think he is? [More time passes. It's now March. Training camp has begun in Arizona without Manny. Manny feels desperate, so he calls back.) Manny (on phone): What was that offer again? Dodgers GM: (exasperated) You know what the deal is, Manny. Are you going to take it or leave it? Manny: Manny guesses that will be OK. Dodgers GM: Are you sure, Manny? You're not going to raise a big stink and deliberately go in the tank like you did to get out of Boston, are you? Manny: Manny swears Manny will be the good Manny for your team. Dodgers GM: All right, then. Fly out here so we can sign the contract. Manny (pauses, then says): Are you sure you can't make it a three-year deal? Dodgers GM (yelling): Just get out here and sign the damn contract! Manny: OK, OK ... no need to yell at Manny. Manny just wants to make certain that the deal suits Manny. [Dodgers GM hangs up the phone. Manny arrives in the GM's office to sign the deal in front of the media.] Manny: Manny is happy to be back in L.A. Manny thinks the deal is a good one, and Manny looks forward to playing in L.A. for the next two years. Dodgers GM (whispering to an assistant standing next to him): Do you think it's too late to see if Boston wants him back? (Assistant shakes his head.) Oh well. [Scene ends] CATEGORY: Baseball
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