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Do you know the song “Soak up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow? I heard it again on the radio and two lines set off bells in my head – one of those “light bulb” moments.
The words are: “It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got.”
Let me give you an example of something that often happens to me here and then explain why the words of Crow’s song resonated with me.
When people ask me who I am and where I’m from, a typical scenario goes like this: “You’re Chinese? But you’re not from China. You’re not Asian-America? You moved from upstate New York, but you have a British accent?” Here I am a British Chinese New Yorker flung into southern society and my background is beyond many people’s experiences.
In the past few months, I have looked at my life and thought, how have I ended up living in Franklin, Tennessee, so far from my birth country of England. This was not where I expected to be in my 40s and raising a family.
Truthfully, I hated the move to Nashville because it was so different to my previous cultural experiences. Once I got past the practical necessities of a big interstate move with young children and the initial settling in period, I felt lonely and depressed. And my mindset became one of dislike for my new home town and my situation, even though we have a beautiful house and neighborhood.
After many months of feeling like I’ve hit a brick wall with no place to go, the words: “It’s wanting what you’ve got” shook me to the core.
I sat with the words and changed my mindset. It didn’t happen overnight, but it started with a few small steps, such as meeting other women, who were transplants themselves and shared their stories.
These small steps became a launch pad for me to turn my thinking around and begin to accept, explore, if not love what I’ve got.
This birthday, I really looked at myself in the mirror and saw a woman, who showed signs of her experience. And instead of griping about fat around my stomach and grey hairs dotting my head, I lovingly thanked my body for bearing two children and having the strength to be responsible for them every day.
This birthday, instead of moaning about being far away from my close friends and family, I accepted being here to celebrate it. Then, I was able to fully enjoy the generosity of new friends, who wanted to make my birthday special and appreciate the thoughtfulness of old friends, who remembered and made me feel special across the miles.
So, thank you for my gifts, my birthday cakes and gourmet cupcakes lovingly presented over four days. Eating a lot of cake gives another perspective to the phrase: “Having your Cake and eating it”. I love cake, but now I’m all “caked out”! Truly, I’ve had my fill…well, until next birthday!
SUSAN S. CHEUNG
Susan is a freelance writer originally from London, England. She moved to Nashville, Tenn. in July 2008 when her husband accepted a position at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. The family relocated after eight years in Guilderland, New York. And now they have a new home in Franklin, Tenn.
